


Until The Hurting Is Gone

by doontpanic



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, BUT IT'S HERE OKAY, Exes, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, Mutual Pining, Then they broke up, Unplanned Pregnancy, Very brief relationship between bellamy and Gina, idk to define their relationship here, mention of miscarriage, now they are two fools, parenting, the miscarriage part is very brief so i don't think it would trigger anyone, they were
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:48:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29542617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doontpanic/pseuds/doontpanic
Summary: Bellamy and Clarke were married for three years before they got divorced. Months after they signed the papers, Clarke has some news for him.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 50
Kudos: 122





	1. I won't turn round, I won't head for the door.

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO, WORLD. 
> 
> I couldn't stare on this first part anymore, so I'm posting it before I give up. Also, a huge SHOUT OUT to my darling nadia (@gansxythethird on tumblr) for being so patient and being my beta on it. YOU ARE THE BEST. *hugs you*
> 
> The title is from Billy Raffoul song. :)

Clarke didn’t know exactly what she was going to do once she was in front of him. All she knew is that it had to be done. 

Bellamy and Clarke had been married for three years before they got divorced. The circumstances that lead to that didn’t matter anymore. At least that was what Clarke was telling herself while she waited for Bellamy in the coffee shop. 

It has been barely four months since they signed the papers. Everything was still so new, so recent in her memory that Clarke was surprised when Bellamy accepted to meet her for a conversation. After all, what else could they have to talk about? Their breakup wasn’t an easy one. He didn’t want to end things. And his reasons are a story for another moment.

Clarke checked her phone one more time. Bellamy wasn’t the type to be late. In fact, what if he was not going to show up this time? Letting her there waiting for him was something he could do after all the pain she made him go through. 

Before she could feel more depressed about these thoughts, Clarke was startled by someone pushing the chair to sit on her table. 

“Sorry for waiting,” Bellamy said. _Bellamy_. 

Clarke’s hearts skipped a beat once she saw him. She did not know how much she missed him. His comforting presence, and his comforting scent that always made her feel safe before. Bellamy hadn’t changed a bit since the last time they spoke. He was still well-dressed without putting much effort on it, and had still messed curls that could make everyone in the room stop to look at him.

Once he sat, Bellamy didn't meet her eyes, and he seemed more interested in the food placed on the table. Clarke had already ordered his food, just because. Then, Bellamy cleared his throat and finally, _finally_ met her eyes. “I was… busy.” He offered her as an excuse. One that she now had to accept. It was not more her business what he was doing with his life or whoever he was seeing. Clarke was not a part of his life anymore. 

“It’s okay. It wasn’t like I had something else to do.” She didn’t mean it to annoy him, but she couldn’t hold the feeling that something else was more important to him now than her. Because that was what it was like before. Bellamy always put Clarke before anyone and anything else. She was always his first choice, his priority. And that was something, Octavia, his sister, had to learn when she realized she was not the only woman in her brother’s life anymore. 

“Thank you for ordering the food for me,” He thanked her and took a sip of his coffee. Clarke gave him a closed smile in reassurance. Maybe they could still be friends after all. And not every little thing had to be about resentment and pain. “What do you want to talk about? I thought everything was already resolved between us.”

Clarke shivered. A part of her was hoping he'd be more gentle about the way things have ended between them, but apparently, he wasn't as over it as she hoped he'd be. Bellamy wasn’t the kind of person who’d hurt others on purpose, but when he consciously did it, she knew she fucked up.

“I have… Something to tell you. Something that couldn’t be resolved via a text.” She said even though they both knew texting was not something that was possible for either of them. Shortly after the end of their marriage, Bellamy blocked her or changed his number, she was not sure yet. It wasn’t like she could reach him easily now, so Clarke had to go to Octavia to contact him. That was how things were now.

“What is it?” He asked again.

“Bellamy, I...” Clarke tried but failed. It was harder than she thought it would be. God, how would she get the courage to tell him? She couldn’t imagine his reaction, and some part of her was afraid he would simply get up and leave her there once he heard what she had to tell. So, Clarke lowered her eyes and focused on the brownie before her, and slowly spoke the new sentence. “I’m pregnant.”

The moment the words left her mouth, it was like the rest of the world had been in silence and only she and Bellamy were in that coffee shop. She quickly raised her head to look at him searching for some kind of reaction. She stared at him, desperately wishing she could read his mind. His reaction, instead, was nothing quite what she thought it would be: Bellamy stopped eating his cake and stared at her with his mouth still full of cake. Clarke didn’t know what else to do other than hurry to explain the news to him. 

“I took the test. _Twice_ . And then, just to be sure, I went to my mother, and she did the test again. So it is not like it is a _mistake_.” Clarke took from her purse the papers with the results and handed them to him. Bellamy took it and read, but she still felt the need to explain the situation. “It says I am fifteen weeks pregnant. I didn’t feel any symptoms until my third month.”

He was still not saying anything, but she didn’t miss when his eyes fell to her stomach. All of a sudden, Clarke felt the need for him to speak. Anything. She just needed to know what was going on in his head. Was he happy? Relieved? She knew how much he wanted to be a father and many conversations they have had about it before.

“Bellamy?” She pleaded. “I am as scared as you, but we need to discuss it.”

“How… how is it possible? How did this happen?” 

They both knew how _that_ happened. 

One month after the break-up, when she went to their house to pack her left things, they got into a new argument over the divorce. Bellamy was grumpy, impatient, and simply couldn’t understand what he had done for her to want a divorce. He could fix it, he said. He could fix them. Not only that, but he _promised_ it to her. She just needed to _talk_ to him. All she had to do was talk to him. 

At some point, when their discussion was getting loud, and she was on the verge to start crying, he stepped closer and held her head trying to make Clarke look at him. 

“I love you so much. Can you just… could you just look at me?” He had said. And when she did, he kissed her, and she let him to.

It wasn’t what she intended for things to go when she went to their old house. The kiss was just going to make things worse. Clarke wasn’t going to stay, and she knew that. But still. She let him lead her to their room and have just _one last time_. 

That night was their last one and probably how she got pregnant, and neither of them forgot it. However, Bellamy’s confusion had to do with the fact that Clarke could not have kids. At least that was what she told him. Bellamy and she had tried _so many times_ to have a baby, but it always ended with a miscarriage. They weren’t sure what was wrong until Clarke got the results of her blood exams. They wouldn’t have a baby because she was infertile. 

“Clarke,” Bellamy murmured. He had a frown on his face and his eyes were suddenly soft and confused again. “What are you talking about? You _can’t_ have kids. You said that to me.”

“That’s what I thought. I questioned my mom about that, and she didn’t have answers either. I am seeing another doctor who might have the answers. But apparently, that is what it is: I am pregnant.” Clarke gave him a shrug unsure of what else to do. She had so many thoughts, so many questions. She wanted to remember how it was before. How excited they both were to start their own little family. Obviously, things weren’t like it used to be, but Clarke still wanted to count on him to go through in this situation.

What she could not expect was Bellamy’s reaction: he laughed. He closed his eyes for a few seconds and laughed. Clarke stood there looking at him. That was not the reaction she was expecting. Suddenly, she was embarrassed and felt incredibly alone. She was hoping he would hold her hand, and comfort her. God, she was so scared. Of everything. And Bellamy was the only person she knew she could rely on this situation. Until, now.

“What is so funny?” Her voice was irritated. _She_ was irritated. Her baby wasn’t some stupid kind of joke. 

“The Universe must hate us. That is what is funny.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Clarke.” Bellamy led to her and whispered. “We tried for so fucking long to have this kid. After everything we went through... and you get pregnant once we are divorced?”

He sounded tired and pissed, and honestly, she understood the bitterness of his voice because she was feeling the same. It was so unfair. To both of them. This was far from their perfect situation. For so many nights she dreamed about how she could make the perfect pregnancy revelation to him. Maybe record it and put it all over the internet. Or maybe something more intimate just between them and their family. Clarke never, not even once, imagined dealing with her pregnancy in a coffee shop with her now ex-husband.

“I know this is not how we planned things to go, but it happened. I am pregnant.”

He winced one more time and Clarke feared the idea that pregnancy was not the thing that was bothering him but the fact that the one pregnant was _Clarke_. Maybe he did not want to have a baby with her. What if Bellamy was regretting every decision that led them to this day?. Maybe he didn’t want anything to do with this kid. And for the first time in forever, Clarke had the ugly feeling of what it would be to live a life without Bellamy. But still carrying a part of him.

“I see.” She murmured. Clarke started packing her things. Bellamy opened his eyes and observed her. “I am _sorry_ this is not how you wanted to be a father, but I can’t control the situation, okay?” Before she could contain herself, and the hurt that her voice was carrying, Clarke felt her eyes tear up. “I just wanted you to know the news before someone else could tell you. And before I couldn’t hide it anymore. But I understand if you don’t want to be a part of this baby’s life. I just wanted you _to know_.” 

Before she could get up, Bellamy held on to her wrist. 

“I never said that.”

“You didn’t have to. Your reaction was pretty clear to me.”

“You think this situation is easy for me?”

“Do you think this is easy _for me_? God, Bellamy. I am so scared, and I was hoping to get your support instead of hearing you laugh as if it is some kind of joke.”

“I am sorry, okay? I guess I am just scared as you are.” He left her wrist, and she sat down again. “Clarke, are you sure?”

“Yes. 110% sure.”

“Alright.” He nodded. “Guess we will have a kid then.” He looked at her until Clarke nodded at him. “I need you to know I’ll be here for you. For whatever you need me for, alright?”

“You don’t need to do it if you don’t want to. I am not holding this baby against you.”

“I hate that you think it of me and of yourself. I could never think of it, Clarke. Whatever happened between us didn’t work out,” It hurt to hear that, Clarke could only imagine how he could feel saying it. “But it’s not this kid’s fault. We can make it. We can be parents. At least I know I can, if you need some lessons, let me know. The years taking care of Octavia taught me some things.” 

And for the first time that day, Clarke could smile. That was the Bellamy she loved more, the easy and friendly one. They could do it.

  
  



	2. Darling, know that you're never alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to give a huge thank you to everyone who've left comments and kudos so far! 
> 
> Again, thank you so much for the love, it really means the world, and I hope you can continue supporting my story.
> 
> xx

It wasn’t easy to welcome Augustus into the world. Clarke had forty-eight hours of labor with her parents and Bellamy’s family by her side. While everyone was in the waiting room expecting to hear the news about the birth, Bellamy was whispering words of encouragement in Clarke’s ears. That was what made her go through the process: He. Talking her through it, trying to distract her from the pain. They both knew the entire experience was strange for them, but in Clarke’s pregnancy, they did all they could to learn how to deal with this.They tried everything, from taking lessons, reading books, watching movies and talking with different doctors. They also looked for different ways to go through this moment the easiest way they could.

Clarke was feeling unbelievably huge and extremely embarrassed to have to sit on a birthing ball to help her contractions. Bellamy sat on one of those balls just to keep her company. At some point, he stood up and danced in front of her and encouraged her to do the same.

“What are you doing?” she asked and couldn’t hide a smile when Bellamy started moving his body in a funny way.

“I’m dancing, and you should do the same. Come on.” He tried taking her hand, but Clarke brushed him away.

“No! Stop it. We don’t even have music.”

Bellamy did not listen to her and held on to her waist to help her stay up. Suddenly, Clarke was giggling and let Bellamy wiggle her body in what he was calling “dance moves”. It was stupid and incredibly embarrassing, but Clarke couldn’t care less. She was happy and so excited to be able to share this moment with him.

“You okay?” Bellamy worriedly asked when Clarke stopped abruptly and groaned in pain.

“Yes. It’s just- another contraction.”

“Alright. Let’s sit down.”

Bellamy helped her on her way to the bed, but he couldn’t help but notice the worried look on Clarke’s face.

“Besides the body pain, is something else bothering you?” He tried.

“Do you think it was the right decision to not let our parents watch the birth?”

“What they think doesn't matter to me, Clarke. How you're feeling right now is what is important.” He held her hand in reassurance.“What do you want?”

“You. Here, with me.” She quickly answered. “You make me feel comfortable and safe. I wouldn’t stand my parents around me, right now.” Clarke could not help the way her eyes started tearing up. She didn’t want to cry in front of him, and most importantly, she didn’t know _why_ she was feeling so emotional. Some part of her was screaming that she needed to be strong, that she was about to become a mom and her past monsters should not fear anymore. So, she started rambling. “My mother makes me nervous, and my dad would probably start worrying too much about everything. And your mom is nice, but she-”

“Clarke.” Bellamy interrupted her. “It’s OK. This is _your_ moment. How _you_ feel is what should matter right now.”

“I just… I don’t want to disappoint them.” She confessed looking away from him.

“How could you _ever_ disappoint them?”

He sounded confused and worried about her, but there was so much Bellamy didn’t know. Deeply things Clarke could never discuss to him. So many feelings she had bottled up inside her heart that were slowly coming up now because of stupid pregnancy hormones and painkillers.

Bellamy didn’t say anything else and just stood there with her. She was thankful for that. As close as they were conce, as much as he used to be her best friend, there were certain things that he would never understand. For example, what she meant when she said she didn’t want to disappoint the people she loved the most. Whatever it was that was bothering Clarke, it wasn’t the right time to talk about it. As long as Bellamy was by her side, she was content with that. He was all she needed right now. He and some painkillers.

After long and exhausting hours, a gorgeous baby boy with dark hair and pale skin tone was born. Clarke and Bellamy named their son Augustus on a beautiful day in March.

Clarke was crying when she welcomed him, but that wasn’t news. She was extremely emotional and tired and couldn’t care less about her appearance or her feelings. All she wanted to do was to hold Augustus in her arms and love him.

When the nurse came to help the first-time mother breastfeed her son; Clarke took a look at Bellamy. She wanted to make sure he was as happy as she was, and he certainly was because Bellamy was crying, too. He tried wiping the tears away when he noticed that Clarke was looking at him, but she only smiled and held his hand in reassurance. It was all good, she tried to tell him. They were in this together.

That was the moment Clarke knew everything would be alright: because they were in this together.

Setting up a routine with a newborn was tough.

Now that Clarke was living alone again, she didn't want to rely on her mother’s help. And as much as she loved her father, letting him help her with this motherhood thing would bring Abby back into her life. It was great to have their support throughout the months she was pregnant, but Clarke really felt like she wanted to deal with it on her own from now on.

Only it was just so hard. After her maternity leave ended, she didn’t have anyone to look after Augustus. Her friends were willing to help her on their free nights, but what would Clarke do for the rest of the week? She needed help.

Bellamy was willing to support her in whatever way he could, and that was how they started co-parenting. He would stay with Augustus whenever Clarke needed him to, and when Bellamy would have work, their friends would help them out.

“Bellamy, it’s enough,” Octavia said, watching her brother pick up and put down one of the toys he had brought to Augustus’s nursery.

“Do you think so?” He looked at her confused. “What if we just-”

Octavia gently set her hand on his shoulder stopping him. It was so touching to see her brother that way. Octavia smiled. “Yes, I’m sure Augustus will love it. Your eight-month old will love all of this.”

Bellamy smiled, accepting the compliment. It was the first night Clarke was bringing Augustus to him, and he was buzzing with excitement. He couldn't help but smile like an idiot the whole day while waiting for Claire. Bellamy wanted everything to be perfect, and maybe … maybe, some sick part of him wanted Clarke to be proud of him, too.

Bellamy checked his phone.

“So, you and Clarke are back texting each other?” Octavia asked and casually crossed her arms over her chest watching Bellamy.

“No,” he murmured. “I’m texting Murphy.”

“Right. And smiling like this because of Murphy? Sure.”

Bellamy shrugged and put his phone back in his pocket. “What?” He asked when Octavia was still staring at him.

“How will this work? Will Clarke drop him off here every day?"

"That's what we will do until she finds a babysitter."

"Why doesn't she ask for Abby or Jake's help? I am sure our mom would love to watch after him, too."

"Clarke wants us to deal with this situation on our own. And it's not like they will never see their grandchild. It's just for the busy days."

“Promise me you will not let her hurt you again.”

Bellamy wasn't expecting those words from Octavia at all, and something inside him made him snap to Octavia. “Where the hell did that ever come from?”

“I’m worried! Okay?”

“Octavia-” Bellamy stopped shortly and sighed out loud. He was so tired of everyone worrying about him. “I’m fine.”

“I don’t believe you. So, promise me.”

It was useless to argue with Octavia, and Bellamy knew that. Whatever happened to him and Clarke was not Octavia or his family’s business. But everyone liked to pry and tell they knew better than themselves. It was not like Octavia could easily make Clarke fall in love with him again. Neither could she protect Bellamy from the new relationship that he would have to build with her now. No one could protect him but himself.

Bellamy sighed and almost laughed with Octavia’s presumption. Before he could say anything, someone knocked on the door, and he hurried to answer it.

“It’s Clarke. I got it.”

Octavia nodded and let him go. Still, in the room, Octavia could hear Clarke and her brother now talking. It wasn’t like she didn’t like Clarke. In fact, she loved her. Clarke was one of her best friends. But since she and Bellamy broke up, it was like something between them was dissolved. And Octavia wasn’t sure what exactly happened that made Clarke distance herself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! As always, comments and kudos are always greatly appreciated. Let me know your thoughts. 🤗 You can find me as @doontpanic on tumblr ♥️


	3. You hate to be vulnerable.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy goes on a date with Gina. Clarke doesn't like it at all. Raven and Clarke talk.

Bellamy’s sitting at the dinner table waiting for the arrival of his food. He doesn’t feel necessarily comfortable since the place is too fancy, and he’s wearing a tie that Octavia purposely made him use. The date has been going on for a while, and the girl is actually fun to spend time with, but Bellamy can't get away from the feeling of being out of place. And not to mention the fact that he’s sweating. The curls of his hair won't stop falling into his eyes, so every three seconds, Bellamy is trying to take them out of his vision. He feels ridiculous and wants nothing more than just to go home and have a beer. 

“Isn’t this place nice? I’ve always wanted to make a reservation here before, but I never got the chance.”

Bellamy looks at the girl in front of him and tries to smile. Her name is Gina. It’s an easy name to remember, that’s why Bellamy recalls it.

Gina is cool. She seems like a decent girl with whom he could’ve been serious before, but, at the moment, Bellamy isn't looking anything serious. There was always something about putting so much effort into meeting someone else that Bellamy couldn’t stand. When he was young and still in university, flirting and going out with girls was easy because it was just about small talk and fooling around. He wasn't planning to date or marry them. He also never bothered to learn about their favorite movie or their childhood traumas. All of that was for fun. It wasn’t until he met Clarke Griffin that the way he perceived the world changed.

However, Bellamy’s not in university anymore and for some reason, after his divorce, his friends think the way of fixing his life is setting him up with someone. Because of that, here he is with this girl, who he learned is Octavia’s friend. Of course, she is.

He’s just here because his friends forced him to. However, Bellamy was not the kind of guy who would ditch a girl, and he definitely will not start doing it now. So, forcing a smile, Bellamy says:

“It's a cool restaurant, yeah.” Then, Bellamy suddenly feels nervous when he notices that Gina is trying not to smile. “What?”

“Sorry,” Gina wipes her lips with a table napkin before continuing. “It’s just so obvious that you’re so uncomfortable right now.”

“So obvious, huh?” Bellamy lowers his eyes and gives her a shy smile. “Yeah. Sorry. I just didn’t want to make it look like I’ve never brought a girl to a place like this before.”

“Have you?” Gina presses.

“Let’s say there was one girl that I took to a place like this before, yes.”

 _Clarke._ Bellamy doesn't want to talk about his ex while on a date with someone else. It feels wrong and unfair to Gina. However, no matter how much he tries not to let his memories with Clarke return, they always come back.

It was Clarke, the first person with whom he spent hundreds of dollars to eat at a fancy restaurant. He still remembers how pathetic he acted when he tried to ask her out, just for her to make the first move. Bellamy was freaking twenty-five years old going on his first real date with a girl with who he wanted more than just sex. He wanted to impress her and fit in her world that was far different from his own.

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out,” Gina says, startling him from his thoughts.

“It’s okay.” Bellamy smiles and lowers his head. “I think we shouldn’t be here talking about my old partners, though.”

“Nah. It’s okay. It’s a way for me to get to know you. Our previous relationships can show a lot about ourselves.”

She is cute. That's what Bellamy thinks. Because Gina really is. She seems like someone who's looking for a serious relationship, but Bellamy isn't sure if this person is him. Gina is pretty, with her hair in curls standing on her shoulders. She is wearing attractive red lipstick and a very nice dress that shows an interesting view of her cleavage. It isn't like Bellamy could dismiss her because he is not attracted to her. And besides her appearance, she is one funny and smart girl. She has everything a guy is looking for on a first date.

At some point, after their food arrives, Gina stands up to go to the restroom. Bellamy takes a sip of his wine, and when he is about to start eating his food, his phone starts buzzing with a new text message.

**_08:06 pm “Are you busy, right now?”_ **

He reads. It's Clarke.

Bellamy quickly drops the glass of wine he is holding to pick up his phone with both hands.

_08:07 pm “No. Is something wrong?”_

**_08:07 pm “No. Nothing serious, but Augustus has a fever, and I'm worried.”_ **

Bellamy’s heartbeat races, and he is ready to type a reply when he notices Gina returning.

“Oh, I heard some random girls talking in the bathroom about a musical festival tonight. We could go if you want to.” Gina says.

Bellamy doesn't want to disappoint Gina, but he is seriously worried about his son. He heard kids got sick all the time, especially at his age, yet something inside his chest is aching at the thought of letting Clarke deal with that by herself. His phone buzzes with a new text, and he immediately takes it out to read it.

_**08:20 pm “I didn’t mean to bother you.”** _

_**08:20 pm “I will take him to my mother.”** _

_**08:21 pm “She’ll probably know what to do.”** _

_It is not it, dammit._ Bellamy wants to text. He wasn’t ignoring her message or leaving her on read. He was just trying to figure out what to do first.

“Is it from work?” Gina asks, looking at him before taking another sip of her wine. “It seems important.”

“Sorry. It’s just my-” _Wife_ . He almost says. Bellamy stumbles over the words trying to form some kind of coherent thought, and his inner self slaps him. It's not supposed to be so hard. “It’s my _son_. His mother just let me know he has a fever.”

“Oh, my god. You should go then.” Gina looks sincerely worried, and Bellamy sighs in relief. He doesn't want to disappoint or upset her. So, it was a good thing that she is so understanding. “Sorry if I look a little shocked. It’s that I didn’t know you were a dad.” She lowers her voice as if feeling ashamed.

“It’s okay, Gina. It’s my fault that I didn’t tell you.” Bellamy apologizes, already standing up from the table and putting his phone back in his pocket. “I’m sorry I’ll have to leave you here, but we can keep in touch.”

“Actually… I would love to go with you.”

“What?”

“If that’s not too much, I mean.”

 _For a first date? Maybe._ He couldn’t help but think. Before he could reply, Gina says:

“Of course it is weird for me to go with you. What am I doing?” She shyly smiles, and Bellamy notices how her cheeks are red from embarrassment. She's adorable.

“I just don’t think it’s the best moment, Gina.” He tries carefully. “My ex is probably scared, and it would be a little strange if I showed up with a date there now, you know?”

“Of course. You're right.”

“I like you, Gina. Thank you for tonight.”

Before Bellamy turns and leaves, Gina stops him with her hands on his arms, and kisses him. More like a peck on his lips, but he is still caught out of the guard.

“I like you, too.” She smiles, and he smiles back.

Bellamy doesn't have much time to think about the kiss because he really needs to see Augustus. So, finally, when Bellamy leaves the restaurant, he texts Clarke.

_08:45 pm “I’m on my way to your house.”_

_08:46 pm “Are you still there?”_

* * *

Bellamy drove to her place as fast as possible, and within twenty minutes he was parking at Clarke’s house. From the driver’s seat, he saw that all the lights were turned off. It looked like no one was home, and given the fact that Clarke hadn't replied to his message, he feared that something worse had happened to Augustus. Bellamy took his phone again and scrolled from the previous messages he had with her.

 _“I’ll take him to my mother.”_ She had said. 

So he decided to go to the Griffins instead.

It has been a while since Abby and Bellamy had talked. Since Augustus’ birth, he has tried to remain friendly with his ex-mother-in-law. The truth was that once Bellamy married Clarke, Abby was always around trying to pry into their lives. He could just hope that things weren’t awkward between them now.

Clarke’s parents didn’t live far from them, but it was still a completely different neighborhood. A rich one. The houses were enormous, and the gardens were awfully well maintained. It was strange to be there after so long. The last time Bellamy had been in that house was at one of Abby Griffin’s luxurious dinners.

Bellamy knocked on their door and waited. Inside the house, he could hear multiple voices talking, near for what could be a discussion. All of a sudden, Bellamy felt nervous. Was something wrong with his kid? Was that why Clarke didn’t reply to his texts?

Before he could spiral further into another panic attack, Bellamy saw Clarke open the door.

“Bellamy?” Clarke murmured, her eyes wide as she looked at him. 

“Clarke, _thank God._ Where is Augustus? Is he okay?” Bellamy didn’t wait for her to invite him inside the house.

“He is fine.” Clarke closed the door and turned to him, folding her arms over her chest. “I just panicked. I didn’t know what else to do to lower his fever, so I brought him to my mother.”

“Can I see him?”

Clarke nodded and led him upstairs.

Once Bellamy had Augustus in his arms, he could finally breathe easily. The boy was slightly sweaty from the fever and had his cheeks still red, probably from crying so much. Bellamy softly ran his fingers over Augustus’ hair and smiled when he squirmed adorably.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t make it sooner.” Bellamy apologized.

“It’s fine,” Clarke replied.

In the room, Abby and Jake were observing them, while Clarke was by Bellamy's side, still taking care of Augustus.

“You should’ve kept your priorities straight. That's what you should have done." Abby murmured.

Bellamy lifted his head to look at the woman in confusion. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that...”

“Mom.” Clarke cut her off. “It’s enough. Alright? The last thing Augustus needs right now is people yelling next to him.”

Bellamy took a look at Clarke. She was wearing jeans and a T-shirt, and looked quite tired. Her hair was in a bun and some strands were falling out from it. Clarke also had a look in her eyes that was telling Bellamy she was not in a good mood that night. Whatever happened, things were close to reaching a breaking point between her and her mother.

“We will leave you two alone.” Jake suddenly announced, as he put his arms on Abby’s and brought her out of the room.

Once they were alone, Bellamy slowly put Augustus back in the cradle. He stood up and turned to take a better look at Clarke. She needed to know he wasn’t avoiding her or his responsibilities as a dad. That is because Augustus was farther than just a _responsibility_.

“Clarke. I'm really sorry for not being here sooner.”

“I said it’s fine.”

“It’s really not. And I was so worried when you didn’t text me back.”

Clarke was looking at the ceiling now. She seemed frustrated. Bellamy desperately wanted her to stop worrying and smile. Augustus was fine, they all assured him that. Clarke didn’t need to worry anymore.

“What is wrong?” He asked her.

Clarke returned her glance at him. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“I mean that something is bothering you, and I want to know what that is.”

“Since when do you care about what's going in my life, Bellamy?” Her voice was icy, and Bellamy shivered. He was feeling so confused because whatever it was that was making her angry, Bellamy wanted nothing more than just seize it. “I barely know what’s going on in your life. I don’t see how it puts you in the place to pry in mine.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Where were you tonight?” Clarke lifted her chin to him as if she was taunting him. “I mean, when I texted you about our son, where were you? Why were you so busy that you couldn’t reply to a text? A text that was _about our child_.” She clarified.

“I wasn’t ignoring you. I was about to text back, but I was busy.”

“Were you busy with what, Bellamy?” She asked again, visibly agitated. “What was more important than your son?”

“ _Nothing_ is more important than my son, and you know that.”

Clarke gave him a bitter laugh and shook her head as if she still didn’t believe in his words. “You were on a fucking _date_ , that is.” Clarke vocalized the answer she was waiting to hear from him. “With _another woman_ , probably drinking wine. For god’s sake, I can still smell her perfume on you.”

Bellamy felt like he couldn’t move. His entire body felt frozen. How could she even know about his date with Gina? He didn’t know what to say to erase the situation and given the fact that Clarke was standing there staring at him so irritated, Bellamy wasn’t sure if there was something he could in fact do or say for her to listen to him.

“Clarke-”

“No, I get it.” She was avoiding his eyes and gesturing nervously. “As I said, it’s fine. I would just like a notification beforehand, so I wouldn't keep myself _fucking waiting for you_ to help me when our son is sick.”

Clarke left a frustrated and angry breath and made the move to leave the room, so Bellamy quickly stopped her. “Hey, no. You will not leave like that.”

“What do you even want from me?” Clarke threw her arms in the air and nervously looked at Augustus, fearing that she was about to disturb his sleeping. Her voice was starting to get loud, and the last thing she needed was for her baby boy to start crying again.

“I want you to listen to me, alright?” He pleaded. “Yes, I was on a date. One that Octavia set up for me.”

“I don’t care.”

“Yes, you do because it's clearly what we are discussing right now.” Bellamy was starting to feel frustrated, so he held his grip more forcefully on Clarke’s wrist when she tried to leave again. “How did you even know I was on a date, for starters?”

“This doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does.”

When he still didn’t let go of her, Clarke surrendered. “When you didn't reply, I called Octavia. She told me about your date with _Gina_.”

Something about the way Clarke pronounced Gina’s name made him shiver. That wasn’t the Clarke he used to know. It was like Clarke was _jealous_. And even before, when they were together, and she got jealous, she was never this bitter.

“Octavia shouldn’t have told you this. It wasn’t her place.” He apologized. “But, Clarke. It doesn’t look like it’s the fact that I couldn’t reply to you right away that is annoying you. Are you… are you jealous?”

As soon as the words left his mouth, Bellamy regretted them. He knew Clarke enough to know that she hated to be put against the wall. Because of that, when she forcefully took her arms out of his grip and left the room, Bellamy wasn’t surprised.

He shut his eyes trying to remain calm and remind himself that he was still in her parent’s house. It wasn’t like he could go after her, so he reluctantly sat back next on Augustus’ cradle and remained watching him sleeping. 

Downstairs, Clarke found her parents in the living room sitting next to each other on the couch. She didn’t want to talk to them, because she was fuming with something she couldn’t name yet. And for some reason, the fact that she couldn’t just pack her things and leave the house was leaving her even more frustrated. 

“Did you talk to him?” Her mother asked.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Well, you should because what Bellamy did tonight was-”

“Mom!” Clarke pleaded cutting Abby’s off. The house was suddenly silent, so Clarke lowered her voice. “Please, I don’t want to talk about it. Can you please respect that? Please?”

“You never want to talk about it, Clarke. That’s the problem.”

“Oh, my God.” Clarke put her hand over her eyes, on the verge to start crying. She was feeling so tired, and her mom wouldn’t let it go. “Dad, please. Can you do something?”

“Your dad knows I’m right, darling.”

Clarke looked at him incredulously. “You don’t even let him talk for himself!”

“Alright. That’s enough.” Jake rose from the couch standing between Abby and Clarke. “We are all exhausted and letting things go out of control. Abby can you, please, let me talk with Clarke alone?”

When Abby reluctantly left the room, Jake approached Clarke putting her to sit next to him. 

“Are you okay?” Her father asked putting his arms around her to comfort her. 

For the first time that day, Clarke was letting herself think about her feelings instead of someone else’s. She leaned her head on her dad’s shoulder, and closed her eyes. 

“No.” Clarke confessed. “But I really don’t wanna talk about it, right now. If that’s okay.”

Jake nodded and said nothing else. That was something Clarke liked about her father. She could just stay there with him without being pressured about anything. He wouldn’t try to push her about her feelings or try to control the situation. Because of that, Clarke closed her eyes, glad she had someone she could count on. 

* * *

Bellamy and Clarke don’t talk about what happened at Clarke parents’ house, it's almost as if it never happened, only other that Clarke needs to vent about it with someone. So, she called Raven to hang out together at her home. 

“I get what you mean, Clarke. But don’t you think that the way you reacted to the fact that Bellamy's dating was a little strange?” Raven started rambling while painting her toenails on Clarke's bed. Then she glanced at her friend and smiled when she saw Clarke playing with Augustus’ little fingers. “I mean, I get it, you and Bellamy are co-parenting now, so he’s supposed to be helping you out. I just don’t see how him seeing another woman makes you this upset. Wasn’t it you who asked for the divorce?”

Clarke really loves Raven, she’s one of her best friends, but sometimes she just doesn't get it.

“You're missing the point. Also, you were supposed to be supporting me."

“And I’m supporting you, but I can’t help but agree with Bellamy.” Raven shrugged, and when Clarke gasped at her, she tried to clarify. “I mean, from what you told me, you really did look jealous.”

“He was on a date! With another woman!” Clarke tried to make sense of her arguments.

“That’s what being on a date means, you know. Seeing _someone else_.”

“Not when our son was sick.” Clarke emphasized.

“Yeah, yeah. But how could he know that Augustus was gonna be sick that day? And besides that, he’s a single guy, who is still very handsome and has every right to start another relationship if he wants to. It shouldn't be upsetting you so much.”

“I don’t know why I still try to talk to you.” Clarke rolled her eyes at Raven and got up to look for something in her dressing table.

“Clarke.” Raven put her nail polishes on the nightstand table, and sighed loud. “Do you really want to know what I think?” When Clarke didn’t say anything, Raven continued. “I think that you’re jealous because you thought that after having the baby, Bellamy would still be available for you whenever you needed him.”

The fact that Raven said _“you are”_ instead _“you were”_ pissed Clarke off. It wasn’t like she was still holding it against Bellamy. She was just still talking about it because she needed someone to understand her. That's all.

“I can’t believe you’re saying this to me.” Clarke said, still pretending to be looking for something in her dressing table. It was easy to talk about it if she didn’t have to _look_ at Raven.

“I just think it would be easier for you to admit that you’re scared of losing Bellamy again.”

 _Again._ She closed her eyes and tried to swallow the pain that was tightening her chest. It was so unfair that someone could read her so easily. Yes, losing Bellamy once was hard, but that was her decision to end things. And since she decided that, Clarke didn't discuss the matter with anyone because no one would understand her motives. And if she was being honest with herself, Clarke didn't really want to talk about her and Bellamy’s past relationship.

"Do you still love him?" Raven suddenly asked, and Clarke turned to look at her surprised. "Because I think you still do."

"Thankfully what you think doesn't matter here, right?" Clarke snapped before she could stop herself.

"Ouch, no need for the attack. You asked for advice, so that's what I'm doing.” Raven reasoned. “If you still love him, and I'm pretty sure he still loves you, you should make the first move and try to win him back again before someone else does, you know."

It wasn't like Clarke believed Bellamy wasn't in love with her. She knew he was, just as much as she still loved him, too. It wasn't lack of love that made them break up. It wasn't his mistakes in their marriage that she couldn't stand anymore. She loved every inch of him, every right and wrong choice he made, his bad and good moods. 

What made them slip out was Clarke's fault, her inner demons, her problems to fix. Things that she still needed to work on herself, things that weren't fair for Bellamy to carry for her. 

Whatever it was, whatever conflicted part of her that was still fighting to believe she did the right thing when breaking out with him, a part of her still hurt at the thought of someone else to win Bellamy over. Raven was right. She was jealous because someone else had him in their lives, and that someone was not her. The prospect of someone else kissing Bellamy, marrying him and creating a new family that he would dedicate himself to, left her in pieces. She wanted him, all of him, for her. 

  
  



	4. Yeah, you've been hurt and it shows.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy takes care of Clarke when she gets sick. Aurora and Bellamy talk. Bellamy asks Clarke an important question.

Clarke isn't sure how she ended up spending so much time at Bellamy’s home. Whatever was the case, she was there a lot.

In the beginning, it was for Augustus’ benefit. She drops him when she needs to go to work, but also stays a little while for a coffee, or waiting a little more for Bellamy to change their son’s diapers.

It just happened. 

Clarke likes to think that before Bellamy was her ex, he used to be her friend. They used to talk about everything. He was around when she took the interview for her current job; he was there when her first patient passed away. Bellamy held her until she was unable to quit crying when she endured her first miscarriage. He whispered sweet words in her ear and hummed promising things that everything would be alright. Bellamy was there when Clarke and her mom got into a fight once in a while. She used to feel drained and felt like nobody could understand her. Until she got home, and he held her hand while listening to her vent. Bellamy was there. Always. He had been her safe place before they were everything they are now. 

That's the reason why Clarke misses him. At first, she thought letting him go would be the best for them, but she's not so sure now. 

And besides her feelings, Augustus loves his dad so much. If spending more time with Bellamy is what makes her baby happy, she is willing to not let the opinions of other people have of their relationship get in the way of her family.

As a doctor, it was hard to make it through the night with a baby still so young for Clarke to take care of. It was around November that Clarke got sick. Her head was hurting, her eyes were tired, and she couldn’t spend more than a few hours standing up without feeling extremely exhausted. 

One day, Clarke was in her medical office taking care of a few emergencies that arrived later in the night when she fainted. The patients called for help, and Clarke was taken to the emergency room. Her co-workers took care of her and said what she was feeling were symptoms of burnout. It made sense since she was taking shifts from 24 to 72 hours. She needed to rest and take care of herself. 

“I’m sorry for causing so much trouble,” Clarke said to one of the nurses while standing up from the bed.

“It’s alright. You don’t need to apologize for getting sick. It happens.” The woman winked at her before turning around to take a look at her medical file. “I already called your husband, by the way. He’s going to be here soon.”

Clarke stopped abruptly and stared at the woman. “You did what?”

The nurse turned to look at Clarke and raised an eyebrow at her. “He was your emergency contact in your medical history. Is there a problem?”

The problem was Clarke forgot to change that information after the divorce. And it wasn’t like her co-workers knew much about her life. And besides that, given the fact that Bellamy was so supportive when she gave birth, it wasn’t so surprising that everyone thought she was still married to him. 

“No. It's not a problem at all." She said. "It's just I don’t like worrying him.” Clarke tried to smile. “Thank you.”

“No worries.” The woman smiled back and left the room. 

Clarke tried not to think about the fact that Bellamy was on his way to the hospital to see her. She thought about running off and going home instead, but it wasn’t fair to him. So, Clarke packed her things and left the nursery going to the waiting room. 

Bellamy was there within five minutes. 

His hair was all messed up, and Clarke instantly thought that he needed a haircut. When they were married, she used to cut it for him on the weekends, when both of them were too tired and lazy to get out of their room. 

Now, she couldn't tell if he was at a meeting given his clothes, but he was looking nice even though he had a worried look on his face. Bellamy was wearing a leather jacket, and something about it still did weird things to her heart. Clarke shook her thoughts away when she realized he was trying to talk to her.

“Hey, hey. Are you okay?”

Clarke saw him taking large steps until he could hold with both hands on her arms. She couldn’t help but give in his touch a little. 

“Yes, I’m fine. It was just a burn-out.” Clarke tried to play down a little.

“You don’t look fine.” Bellamy took a careful look on her face and Clarke tried to avoid it with eyes looking over his shoulders. He was too intense, sometimes. “You look tired and dehydrated.”

“Thanks.” Clarke nibbled on her lips, embarrassed. It was so weird to have someone looking through her tough façade. 

“Clarke," Bellamy held her arms tight and took a step closer. “I think you need someone to take care of you...”

Clarke glanced back at him, and pouted. “And this someone is you?”

“… And you need to take a break, too.” He ignored her question, but she could swear he was holding back a smile. “Come on. I’ll take you home.”

Before Clarke could protest, Bellamy took her hand, and they left the building together. Clarke didn’t realize when exactly she fell asleep in his car, neither that he took her to his house instead of hers. Before Clarke knew what was going on, she was sleeping in Bellamy’s bedroom. 

* * *

After Bellamy settled Clarke in his house, he helped Octavia to put Augustus to sleep again after he woke up crying from hunger. 

“Is Clarke alright?” Octavia asked. 

Bellamy got a beer from the fridge before sitting on the couch to rest next to Octavia for a little while. It was nice she was helping him look after his son whenever he needed to. 

“Yes, she is.” He answered and took a sip of his drink. “She had a burn-out from her shift in the hospital. She just needs to rest.”

Octavia nodded, still watching her brother.

“What?” He asked. Octavia had a look in her eyes that Bellamy knew something else was going on.

“Nothing.” Octavia shrugged and tried to change the topic of the conversation. “When will you go out with that girl again? What was her name?”

Bellamy almost forgot what Octavia was talking about. Gina. They exchanged some texts since their date a few weeks ago, but that was it. He didn't want to give her the wrong impression.

“As if Gina wasn’t literally your friend.” Bellamy rolled his eyes annoyed.

“ _Gina_. Exactly." Octavia played dumb as if she didn't know what he was talking about. "When will you go out with her again?”

“I’m not sure.” Bellamy shrugged. “She is cool, but I don't think she’s interested.”

“Are you serious?” Octavia gasped at him. “Bellamy, that girl almost brought you flowers for your first date together.”

“How can you even know that?” He narrowed his eyes at her.

“That doesn’t matter. What's important is that she really likes you. So, I think you should give it a shot. Again.”

“Why?”

“Because you need to.”

Bellamy gave Octavia a long laugh, before turning to look at her. “It’s funny how you feel like you’re the older sibling here. I don’t need to do anything, O. And I’m not even sure if I want to start dating again.”

“There we go." Octavia raised her index finger and pressed it on her brother's chest. "See, that’s the problem.” 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Bellamy said, getting away from her touch.

“Of course you know what I’m talking about.” Octavia rolled her eyes in annoyance, before folding her arms on her chest and confronting Bellamy. “Are you sure you don’t want to go out with Gina again because you secretly expect you and Clarke will get back together?”

Bellamy turned his face to her before glancing upstairs and being sure Clarke and Augustus were still sleeping, so he whispered. “Can you even hear yourself? Clarke and I are over. You know that.”

“That’s what you keep telling me, and yet all I see is _that girl_ around here all the time. Half of her things are here. It’s like you two are married again.”

“We have a son together, Octavia. Clarke is busy most of the time. It’s easier if she spends some nights here.”

“Do you hear yourself?” Octavia murmured, but all Bellamy did was roll his eyes at her. “Bellamy, are you sure you don’t like this situation, though? Having Clarke here? All the time? Just like it was before?”

Bellamy didn’t know what to say, so he kept staring at Octavia for a few seconds. Did he like having Clarke around? Yes, of course, he did. He never stopped loving her, so if the way of having her back to his life was letting her stay most of the nights after work, he was fine with that. But Bellamy wasn’t a fool. He knew how Clarke feels about him. It wasn’t like he would seduce her and convince her to stay with him. He had tried it before, and it didn’t work.

“What I feel doesn't matter. What Clarke and I have now is what is best for Augustus. That’s the reason things are the way they are.”

Octavia sighed out loud and dropped her head on the couch. “Whatever you say, but you literally dropped everything as soon as the hospital called. So, it’s not like I believe you. I just don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

Bellamy didn’t answer. How would he tell his sister that he was already hurt? Since the end of their marriage, a part of him broke just the same. The birth of his son was a reminder to him that someone else still needed him, but that still didn’t compare to how half of his soul was left broken.

Upstairs, Bellamy knew Clarke was sleeping in his room while he stayed in the guest room. And he didn’t even _care_.

All he could think about now was to make things easier for Clarke. To help her to not feel too stressed. In the morning, he would make her breakfast and help her in the routine with Augustus. He would make sure she was feeling better before she could even think about going back to her home. And there was nothing anyone could say that would change his mind.

What Bellamy wasn't expecting was the one who would try to change his mind would be his mother. 

Bellamy loved his family more than anything in the world. Since he was little, it has always been he and Octavia against the world. As the big brother, Bellamy had always been ready to protect and defend his sister even when she found it annoying. 

Aurora was a single mother who raised Bellamy and Octavia to be a team, to work together and cherish the bond between them. So, it wasn't surprising when Octavia gossiped to Aurora about Bellamy and Clarke’s relationship because it meant that Octavia was worried. What was surprising was his mom coming to talk to him about that.

"I heard about you and Clarke." Aurora said casually while cutting some vegetables on Bellamy's kitchen counter.

"What about me and Clarke?" He was sitting before her and watching what she was doing.

"Don't play dumb, Bellamy." There wasn't a reason for Aurora to be angry, but for some reason, the way she still wasn't looking at Bellamy's eyes annoyed _him_. "Octavia told me that Clarke has been sleeping here frequently."

"That's not true."

"Oh, it isn't?"

"I mean…" Bellamy didn't want to lie to her but he also didn't want to talk about it. He was an adult, it seemed unfair that he was talking about his life's choices as if he needed his mother's permission. "Clarke stays here when things get tough."

Aurora nodded before saying, "Isn't she old enough to take care of herself?"

"Mom."

Aurora shrugged. "I don't like her, Bellamy. And you know it. She should be able to move on with her life and let you out of it."

"I will not let her raise Augustus alone. You were a single mother before. You should know how it feels."

Then, Aurora stopped what she was cooking, and stared at Bellamy. "That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about Clarke running back to your life after _everything_ she made you go through."

"Mom…" Bellamy could feel a headache coming, so he rested his hand on his forehead trying to stay cool. "Let's not go this way, please."

"Bellamy. Do not let that woman come back to your life again."

"What do you want me to do? I love her." Bellamy confessed, exasperated.

"Bellamy… but she doesn't love _you_. Don't you get that?"

"Trust me. No one let me forget it since I signed those damn papers." He clenched his jaw and tried to focus on anything but Aurora. "I'm fine. I can take care of myself, alright? Let's just finish cooking our meal and forget about it." 

Bellamy moved to the fridge and started packing things trying to ignore the conversation his mom was trying to have with him. He was getting tired of everyone getting in the way of his life. He was a grown ass man. Bellamy could take care of himself, he didn't need anyone babying him. 

* * *

Bellamy truly hated the holidays. There were always too many people on the streets, and the traffic was always the worst. It wasn’t safe for him and Clarke to take the road that weekend, so Clarke ended up staying once again in Bellamy's house. This time she didn't give it too much thought because her friends were all out in the night, her parents had traveled, so it was just she and Bellamy free on a Friday night. 

They spent the day cooking, watching T.V and Clarke is pretty sure Bellamy let her sleep on the couch for more than two hours. When she woke up, he had baked her pizza and there were two glasses of wine on the coffee table. They ate while Augustus was playing on the couch by Bellamy’s side. 

After 2 a.m., Clarke slowly closed the door of her son’s room, and looking at Bellamy, she sighed in relief. The house was finally in silence. That was the first night where they both got to make Augustus to finally sleep and _stay_ in his room for more than four hours without waking up and one of them having to get up to stay with him. 

“We did it,” Bellamy whispered and smiled when Clarke nodded and smiled in return.

“Yeah, we did. I’m proud of us.” They high-fived and started laughing together with their silliness. 

“Yeah, what do you want to do now?” Bellamy asked, tilting his head slightly. 

If they were still together, they would probably stay on the couch, talk until late and make lazy love until Clarke couldn’t think straight. Clarke shook the thoughts away. So inappropriate.

“Wine and sleep, please.” She whispered, closing her eyes as if she was wishing for something impossible.

It was like they were a team again. Bellamy loved the idea that was projecting in his head. That was the life he wanted to have with her: both of them raising their son as a couple. Together.

Bellamy stood there looking at her. 

She was unbelievably beautiful even after such a tiring night for both of them. She was wearing jeans and a T-shirt, with her hair on a ponytail. All Bellamy wanted to do was to put Clarke’s hair out of that ponytail, run his fingers through her hair and bring her close to him until he could kiss her senselessly.

“Bellamy?”

He did not realize he was staring at her mouth until Clarke called his name. Bellamy cleared his throat and tried to make sense of his thoughts but he couldn’t. Not when Clarke was looking at him with such beautiful baby blue eyes and a smile that was dissolving on her lips. 

_Fuck it._ He thought. Bellamy loved her; it couldn’t get worse.

“I want you to come live with me.” He said.

“Wh-a-at?”

Bellamy’s heart was beating so fast, and his brain couldn’t process whatever he had done. He didn’t mean saying it out loud, but now that the words left his mouth, Bellamy decided to move forward with it. The least Clarke could say was to say “no” and that was something he was already used to hearing from her.

“Come live with me,” He repeated. “You and Augustus. It will be good for us.”

“Bellamy, we are-”

“- _divorced_.” He shut his eyes, completing her sentence and cutting her off. “I know that. You don’t need to remind me of this every day.” Bellamy looked at the ceiling above his head and ran his hand over his face. “I’m just trying to make things easier for us.”

“And how exactly would it be easier for us if _I moved in_?” Clarke asked, narrowing her eyes at him. He hated that look on her because whenever she had it on her, it was because she was going to shut him out.

“You work until late, and I can’t count on everyone all the time...” 

Bellamy tried to explain, but before he could continue his argument, Clarke brushed past him and ran downstairs.

“I said _no_.” 

Bellamy went after her. It was already so late in the night, they took so long to make Augustus sleep… It was definitely not the best time to have an argument, but he wasn’t going to let her go so easily. He didn’t do it before, he wasn’t going to do it now.

“Why?” Bellamy asked, stopping her on her way to the kitchen.

“You know why.” She turned to him immediately crossing her arms over her chest and taking a step back.

“Because we are exes, yeah. _I get it_. But we work well together, we are a team.”

Clarke gave him a short laugh and Bellamy suddenly felt himself getting agitated. It wasn’t a good sign where this was going.

“Isn’t it enough for you?” She said. “Do you think this would be a normal situation? Living with your ex?” Clarke asked exasperated.

At this point, she was looking more uncomfortable than Bellamy thought she was going to be. Was it so bad to live with him again?

“I won’t try anything, Clarke. If that’s what you’re afraid of.” Bellamy murmured uncomfortably. He put his hands on his pockets and tried to remain calm.

“What?” Clarke choked the words out of her mouth. “Bellamy, that is not… I could never think that of you.” She explained.

“Then what? If you are not afraid of me _harassing you_ , then what is the problem?” Bellamy changed on his feet nervously. 

“It’s weird. Don’t you think this would be an open door for our family to start prying on our lives again?”

“What other people may think of our arrangement, should not matter to us.” He explained, and Clarke tirelessly looked at him. He wasn’t going to make it easy. “It will be more practical. You know that.”

“I don’t think this arrangement will work out.” Clarke shook her head nervously.

“Why not?”

“Look at us." She gestured between them before throwing her arms on the air. "We are already arguing.”

“Because that’s what we do,” Bellamy said as if it was so obvious. Arguing was how they met each other and became friends. And even into their friendship, they used to get each other’s heads. It was their normal. “You tell me when I’m being an arrogant son of a bitch, and I tell you when you’re being a pain in the ass. That’s who we are, remember?” 

Clarke choked a laugh and Bellamy followed her. “Clarke, please?” He pleaded again.

“You’re seeing someone else…” She started and looked at him right in the eyes when Bellamy shook his head in confusion. “Oh, did you already forget about your date with Gina?”

“Clarke, that was nothing.”

She ignored him. “I will not live here and watch you bring other women home, Bellamy.”

“Do you really think I’m that kind of guy? ”

“You used to be.” Clarke reasoned.

Bellamy ignored her answer and continued. “Do you _really_ think I would do that to you? And Augustus?”

Bellamy saw Clarke wipe away some strands of her hair that were getting in the way of her vision, and he could swear he saw tears on her eyes. “It doesn’t matter. My answer is _no_.” 

Once again, before he could give her another argument and plead that Clarke just listened to him, she went upstairs again leaving him alone. Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you noticed "The Notebook" line reference... we should be friends! <3


	5. Some things you cannot control.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's someone new in Arkadia.

When Clarke woke up the following morning, Bellamy was feeding Augustus in the living room, and Clarke stopped to watch the scene.

There were many things Clarke loved about Bellamy. She loved his sense of humor, his nerd interest in science and History. Clarke loved the way Bellamy cared for the people he loved, and how he was always ready to forgive others. She loved the way that Bellamy cared so much for others that he liked to watch them laughing after he told them something funny. Clarke also loved the memory of Bellamy getting out of the shower, and the way his wet hair would match his skin color so perfectly. 

These recent days though, Clarke was learning new ways to love Bellamy Blake. For a start, she loved his dad persona. 

Whenever Bellamy picked Augustus on his lap or played with him, it was like they were only the two of them in the place. And Clarke was so sure their son was his new favorite person in the whole world. 

Bellamy liked to ask Augustus’ opinion about things. Silly things, really. Even if the young boy still couldn’t speak full words or sentences, and all he could do was babble, Bellamy would still stop and listen to him.

“Do you like this juice, Gus?” Augustus was on his dad's lap, and they both were sharing apple juice. “No?” Bellamy replied as if Augustus had said anything coherent. “Oh, me neither. This is absolutely disgusting. Let’s discuss with your mom about her choices for food, that’s for sure.”

Now Clarke was starting to realize that watching Bellamy being a dad was her new favorite thing about him. And maybe more importantly than that, Clarke was realizing how those two were her favorite people in the world. 

During the three years while they were married, all Bellamy and Clarke wanted was to become parents. They used to watch other kids on the streets and guess what they would do differently than those parents. Would they be a mama and papa bear type? Would they match their kids' pajamas? They talked about all of that, guessing their future together.

There were many nights where Clarke listened to Bellamy's talk about his desire to be a father, while he was laying his head on her chest. Conversations that she hadn't forgotten.

All the current gestures of affection were making her heart melt in fondness. Clarke didn’t know it was possible to fall in love twice for the same person, but here she was, head over heels for her ex-husband. As usual, she avoided confrontation with Bellamy about their argument last night. She was still trying to figure out how to feel about his proposal, but she was sure that living together again wasn't a good idea. Especially when only watching him feeding her baby was making her reconsider all her past decisions regarding their relationship.

* * *

Clarke didn’t have many friends. When she was younger, Raven and Octavia were her people. Then, she also met Murphy, Jasper, and Monty, and they also became part of her family. 

One night, Raven called her so they could hang out a little after her office hours at the hospital. 

Jasper and Monty were always finding new ways to drink alcohol and celebrate like they were still in their university years. So when Raven invited Clarke to one of their hangouts, she wasn't really surprised. They never needed a special occasion to celebrate before. 

After getting sick from working so much, Clarke wanted nothing more than just to have a little fun. Also, she missed her friends so much. It had been so long since the last time she saw them. Raven was always around via Zoom calls or text messages, but not the boys. 

It was a little past 10:00 p.m. when Clarke drove to the bar where she would meet her friends. She had brought with herself a red dress, and she changed clothes after leaving work. The excitement was buzzing in her veins because it was the first time in months that she was going out a little to have time for herself. 

Clarke tested the lipstick on her lips, messed her hair a little, so it would improve her curls, and step inside the building. She could immediately hear Raven's loud laugh once she was inside the bar. 

When Raven spotted her, too, she waved to Clarke to come closer. 

“Oh, you’re really here!” Her friend stood up from the chair and stumbled a little until she could straighten up. 

Raven was glowing and Clarke doubted that was just from happiness. 

“Jesus. Are you already drunk?” Clarke asked giggling.

“No!” 

Raven said, but Clarke could see Jasper and Monty gesturing the opposite with their thumbs up. 

“Raven, it’s not even midnight.” Clarke took a seat next to her, before hugging their friends.

“I’m a single and depressed girl. Let me be.” She said, throwing her arms in the air, then grabbed another glass of alcohol. 

“Single?” Clarke took a look at her. “You and Finn...?”

Raven exaggeratedly shivered. “Thank God, it’s over. Let’s toast.” She raised her drink and their friends followed her. 

Clarke knew how much Raven cared about Finn Collins because they were together since the last year of high school. Even though she didn’t want to talk about it now, and was pretending everything was fine, Clarke was pretty sure Raven would call her in the morning crying.

“Oh, we have a surprise for you, Clarke,” Murphy announced. 

“I don’t like surprises,” Clarke mumbled suspiciously.

“I’m pretty sure you'll love this one, though.”

“What is it?” She asked.

Before Raven could reply, she took a look at her phone and started texting. 

“Raven?” Clarke pressed.

“He’s already here,” Raven said, shaking her body from one side to another in excitement.

“Who is already here? What’s going on?” 

Her friends started laughing at her concern, but before she could be annoyed by it, Clarke saw the man approach their table. And she immediately recognized him.

“Wells.” She murmured astonished.

Clarke immediately stood up and threw her arms at him giving him a bone-crushing hug.

Wells didn’t say anything and Clarke could only feel his laugh reverberate through his chest.

It was Wells, her childhood best friend, the boy who sent Clarke her first love letter, and who she used to spend hours after classes chatting about everything and anything. 

How could he even be here? It has been so long since the last time they spoke. Wells left in Clarke’s first year of high school. They tried to remain in contact after that, but life got busy, and they didn’t know what else to do. Now that Wells was apparently back, Clarke wanted nothing more than just to hug him until he couldn’t breathe. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be saving lives or something like that?” Clarke asked, getting away from him and holding his face in her hands. “Look at you. You didn’t change at all.”

Wells laughed. “We can talk about what I’ve been up to later, alright?” He said, and when Clarke nodded, Wells looked her up and down. “Look at you, though. You look nice.”

“Do you like it?” Clarke smiled, playing a little with her dress. 

“Of course he does.” Raven interrupted getting in the middle of them. “Who doesn’t like it? I like this dress on you, too. You look sexy.”

“Sexy.” Wells played along, laughing with Raven at Clarke’s embarrassment. 

God, she had missed her friends so much. Having all of them together now was making her heart warm and happy.

They drank and talked for a few hours. It seemed silly how much time she had let go without reuniting with them sooner.

"How did you know I was coming tonight?" Clarke asked. 

Her friends were already busy and tipsy to pay any attention to her conversation, so Clarke turned her attention only to Wells.

"Raven helped me settle this meeting. I thought about texting you first, but I figured you were busy with your new life."

Clarke knew he didn't mean it, but she could feel the hurt in his voice. So much had happened in the last couple of months and Wells was not part of it. She wished he would have been because he was one of the most important people in her life.

"I'm sorry." She said, and when Wells shrugged, Clarke reached to touch his arm. "No, Wells. I mean it. I'm sorry, okay? I wish we could have talked about what we have been up to all this time. So much happened. But in my defense, I feel like I don't know much about what happened to you too, though. Why did you come back?"

"I'm engaged," Wells replied as if it was not such a big deal.

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah… It's been one year since I proposed. We returned because we want to throw our wedding here in Arkadia." 

"I'm so happy for you! Is that why we are drinking tonight? Wait, is your girl here, too? Where's she?"

Clarke was so excited for him. Whoever could have Wells in their life would be the luckiest person in the world. 

"No." Wells laughed. "She's not here tonight because she hates going to sleep late."

"Oh, God. She really is your soulmate." Clarke said playfully and smiled at him. 

"Stop it." Then, Wells tried to change the subject. "What about you, though? Raven told me that you had a baby?"

"Yes…" Clarke hummed and threw her head back breathing in the memories of being Augustus' mom. "It's a boy. Bellamy named him after some Roman emperor dude." 

Wells laughed at Clarke, and she couldn't help but chuckle. "Augustus," Clarke explained.

"That's wonderful, Clarke. I'm sure you are a great mom."

"Thank you," Clarke murmured and tried to focus on something else than the comforting look Wells was giving to her. She was going to start crying if she kept looking at him. 

"Where is Bellamy, though? Shouldn't he be here with you tonight" Wells asked. 

Bellamy and Wells hadn't met in person yet, since Wells left the country when Clarke was still in high school. But she had told Wells about her engagement at some point in her life. Since then, Wells didn't know Bellamy and Clarke got divorced. There was so much for Wells to catch up with.

"Uh, it's a long story," Clarke said before getting a glass of water to sober up a little.

"Is there a problem here?" Wells asked, and when everyone pretended they didn't hear their conversation, Wells looked suspicious. "Clarke, what is going on?'

"I don't want to talk about it now, Wells." She looked at him trying to stay focused. She was so tipsy. "But we can catch up on the way home. Do you mind driving me?"

"Can not believe you are already leaving!" Raven said as soon as she saw Clarke packing her things.

"Sorry, Rey. I'll text you in the morning, okay?" When Raven only stubbornly pouted at her, Clarke kissed her cheek in affection. "Please, don't drink too much, alright? And ask Murphy to take you home."

"Alright," Raven murmured, hugging her.

"Wells? Do you mind driving me?" Clarke asked again. 

"No, of course not. Let's go."

"Are you drunk, though?" Clarke asked standing up and hugging him by his side. She rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes when she felt him embracing her. "I know you are careful with drinking but…" 

"No. I can drive. Don't worry."

"Alright," Clarke trusted him. "But there's something you need to know."

Wells looked at her and kissed her forehead. "There's always something going on with you, huh?" He chuckled and led Clarke out of the bar. 

Clarke gave Wells Bellamy's address. She had to explain they were going to pick Augustus there, but Wells was still suspicious.

"I take it as you and Bellamy are no longer together," Wells said while unbuckling his seatbelt. When Clarke nodded, he continued. "What happened?"

"Do you really think we should talk about this at midnight in front of my ex's house?"

Wells grunted. "Fine. But I want to know what is going on."

"You will know. I promise." Clarke left the car and walked to Bellamy's house. 

* * *

It was a little past midnight when Bellamy went downstairs after checking once again on Augustus. When he was satisfied that his son was sleeping, Bellamy joined Octavia in the living room.

"Where is she?" Octavia asked for what Bellamy counted the fifth time that hour.

He didn't know where Clarke was because she didn't care to tell him. Clarke was supposed to pick Augustus around 11 p.m., and she was never late before. Until tonight. 

Bellamy and Octavia had tried to message her a few times but all the texts were left on read. He had tried to call her, too, but she wasn't picking up. Bellamy was trying not to panic.

"I don't know. Maybe it's the traffic." He replied.

"Have you tried calling her mom?"

"Why would Abby know where she is?"

"It's her mom," Octavia emphasized. When Bellamy still kept staring at her, Octavia sighed frustrated. "Okay. Whatever. Try calling at the hospital. Maybe she got stuck in a shift. I don’t know. Maybe try calling Raven, then."

“She’ll be here soon, Octavia. Just calm down a little. Please.” 

Bellamy was trying really hard to be calm himself, but his sister wasn’t making it easy. The strangest thing from this situation was that Clarke wasn’t replying to his texts or calls when she never did it before. Even on busy nights, they would always keep each other updated on their agenda, so it wouldn’t create an unnecessary fuss. 

Bellamy was starting to consider calling Raven when he saw headlights of a car shine through the window of his living room. Bellamy stood up and saw the car parking in front of his house. 

“It’s Clarke.” He announced, immediately heading over to the door. 

As soon as Bellamy opened the front door of his house, he was hit with the image of Clarke wearing a fancy red dress and high heels. Before he could contain himself, his eyes ran up and down to her body trying to understand if what he was seeing was real. 

“Hey.” Bellamy greeted her. 

Clarke was still putting a leather jacket over her shoulders to cover herself from the cold night when she peered up to him.

“Hi.” She replied shyly. “Sorry for being late.”

That. Bellamy almost forgot he was supposed to be mad at her when she was looking so beautiful. Then, he tried composing himself again, folding his arms over his chest. 

“Did something happen?” Bellamy asked when he accidentally glanced over the car that was parked not far away from his front door. It was dark, but he could still see someone in the driver's seat. “Who is that?”

Clarke turned her head to see what he was talking, and then looked back at Bellamy. “Oh, that’s Wells.” She explained smiling. 

For some reason, Bellamy felt his chest tighten. Something ugly was growing inside him at the perspective of Clarke seeing someone else so late in the night.

He carefully took a look again at Clarke, at her clothes, her high heels, and pink cheeks. Clarke didn’t look like someone who had just left the work, she looked like someone who had been… She looked like someone who had been on a _date_. 

“ _Wells?_ ” Bellamy repeated. When Clarke nodded excitedly, Bellamy felt his blood start to boil. He didn't know anyone in her life named Wells. Was he from work? Where did she meet him? Did someone introduce them? Was that their first date? He knew it wasn’t the best time to ask any of those questions, so Bellamy just said: “I think it’s too late. I can drop Gus tomorrow morning at your house.”

“What? No, I want to take him with me tonight.” Clarke replied looking anxiously over his shoulder trying to see if Augustus was in the living room. 

“He’s already sleeping, Clarke. We don’t want to disturb his sleep again, do we?” He stared at her for a few seconds doing his best to not snap at her. 

Luckily, for some reason, Bellamy’s point made Clarke change her mind. “You’re right. I’m sorry. But I want to kiss him goodnight, alright?”

“Sure.” 

Bellamy let her enter. While Clarke was going up the stairs, Bellamy caught Octavia’s questioning eyes directed at him. He wouldn’t tell her what was going on. Neither did Bellamy want to say that Clarke was late because she was on a date with some guy named Wells. Whoever he was, it wasn’t any of his business anymore. 

Later, when Clarke got back into the car with Wells, Bellamy headed back to his room ignoring Octavia’s questions. " _Who would ever think she would be that kind of girl, huh?_ " He heard his sister say before closing the door of his room. Bellamy just wanted to sleep and to forget that he was losing Clarke once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was a pretty hard week, so I'd appreciate any positive feedback about this chapter. Let me know your thoughts. ♥️

**Author's Note:**

> From the bottom of my heart, I hope you like it. Kudos and comments helps me write the story faster. You can find me on tumblr as @doontpanic.Thank you! <3


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